Jack Shepherd speaking the truth:
Cauliflower steaks were invented by the same devious villains who saddled us with Portobello mushrooms. It’s a fucking mushroom. It is nice with other things or in a sauce! It is not the food itself. This cabal is trying to make us eat fruits and vegetables as the main course by making them into shapes like “round and big” and thinking we won’t notice the difference. These evil fuckers haunt weddings, taunting vegan guests with grilled vegetables while everyone else gets to have food for dinner. It’s the same fucking people who are trying to make eggplant burgers happen, and I will not allow it.
Amen.